Monthly Archives: October 2011

That must have been some good soup

Genesis 25

Abraham takes another wife, and has 6 more children with her, but he doesn’t let any of them settle near Isaac. Then Abraham dies at the age of 175, and is buried next to Sarah. Everything he owned went to Isaac. We then learn that Ishmael found a wife, and had 12 children, all of whom became chieftains of different tribes. Ishmael dies at the age of 137. Finally the story settles on Isaac, and we learn that Rebekah is sterile, so Isaac has to ask God for children. God listened to Isaac’s prayers, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins. The twins are born, Esau first, then Jacob. Esau became a skilled hunter, while Jacob was a simpler man, who stayed among the tents. One day Esau came home very hungry, and asked to have some of the lentil soup Jacob was cooking. Jacob convinced Esau to sell him his rights as first born in exchange for the soup. Esau sold Jacob his rights as firstborn, ate and drank, and left.

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The way to a woman’s heart is through gold

Abraham wants Isaac to have a wife, but not from the Canaanites whom he lives around. He has one of his servants take a bunch of camels loaded up with gifts and heads off to Abraham’s home land. When he arrives, he tells God that he will choose the first girl to offer him and his camels some water. Rebekah does just this, so he gave her a gold nose ring and two heavy gold bracelets, and asks if there a room for him to stay at her fathers house. Then the servant resells his story. In the morning the servant, Rebekah, and her nurse all head back to Isaac’s house, where the Rebekah and Isaac are married.

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Elle est mort

Genesis 23

Sarah dies at the age of 127. The rest of the chapter Abraham is negotiating for burial land, a specific cave. The people want to give it to him, he wants to purchase it.

The footnotes say that this chapter is mostly about the Hittites accepting Abraham’s right to land, even though he is an immigrant. I wish I could say more, but it is mostly Abraham going about trying to buy land, and the Hittites trying to give it to him.

Lessons I Learned:

  • If you are a religious leader, people will give you things you want, even if you can easily afford them.

God says to kill your kid…just kidding!

Genesis 22

Then God said: Take your son Isaac, your only one, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah. There offer him up as a burnt offering on one of the heights that I will point out to you. (Genesis 22:2)

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God wants old people to have sex

Genesis 21

God comes through on his promise of granting a son to Abraham and Sarah. Abraham may be 100 years old now, but God made a promise to him. This child is named Isaac. Everything seems to be going well until Isaac starts playing with Ishmael, Abraham’s other son who he had with Hagar, Sarah’s maidservant. Sarah demands that Abraham Ickes out Hagar and Ishmael, as she doesn’t want Ishmael to share Isaac’s inheritance.

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It’s starting to look suspicious

Genesis 20
Abraham and Sarah have now moved to Gerar, where they once again claim to be brother and sister, and Sarah is taken by the king, Abimelech. God quickly intervenes, this time appearing in a dream, telling Abimelech that Sarah is actually married, and that if he doesn’t return her, he and everyone of his propel will die.

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Genocide 2.0: Smaller, faster, and more fire!

Genesis 19
The angels who had visited Abraham in the previous chapter now arrive in Sodom to visit Lot and inspect what’s going on. Lot offers to give them shelter and wash their feet; the angels wanted to spend the night in the town square, but after some convincing, they decided to go with Lot. Before they went to bed that night, the entire town was at Lot’s door, demanding that he send out the two newcomers in town so that they can all have sex with them. Lot begged them not to, and offered his two virgin daughters instead. This angered the crowd, and the pressed on Lot, who was pulled into his house by the two angels, who unleashed a blinding light on the crowd. The angels then told Lot to take his family out of the city, as they were sent to destroy it.

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